It's a New World

If you've read my "About Me" section, allow me to elaborate on recent life changes. After I finished my masters degree in economics, I was hired by the City of Germantown to grow and foster their economic development efforts in the region. It was a fantastic job. I have no doubt that if I were still there, I would love it as much as I did when I was hired four years ago. The problem? I kept thinking there was *something else* I was destined to achieve.

Enter the summer of 2008. I served on the Business Advisory Committee for Southwest Tennessee Community College - my main role was to affirm that their economic curriculum was aligned with the objectives of the Tennessee Board of Regents. With the recent economic crisis and increased unemployment, their enrollment was huge and they were scrambling for professors. Here's the part where I never say "no" to anything. They asked me to teach one course for ONE semester, only one night a week. I had barely said yes before I was posing for a mug shot on my adjunct school ID. 

Something amazing happened - I LOVED teaching economics. And I started kicking myself for never getting a PhD while I was in grad school. The one reason I would always give when stopping at the masters level was the only advantage to getting a PhD was to teach in academia, and that didn't seem like my cup of tea. Stage fright anyone? One week of giving presentations at the City to elected officials cured all stage fright, so I had no more excuses.

I ended up teaching one night a week for two years, while trying not to listen to my inner voice about going back to school. There never was a good time. JD was just starting his business, someone was leaving our department and I needed to cover their duties, there was a big project coming through the pipe that I was the lead on, you get the idea. Then I realized - hey I'm young and we don't have kids - when will there ever be a better time? So, I had that incredibly hard meeting with my boss (who is a good friend, mentor and role model), and laid out the resignation letter on his desk. It was a very sad day for both of us. The City administrator and Mayor didn't make it any easier on me - I kept agreeing to delay my resignation until they were ready. But, six weeks later, we all agreed to part ways and remain on friendly terms.

I left the City right before the holidays, and immersed myself in "girl world." I took SEWING classes for crying out loud. I told my sister I would make the linens for her nursery. Excuse me, who am I again? Thank goodness she didn't hold her breath. I am not a creative, crafty person. I am a no-nonsense, pants-suit wearing, put-your-big-girl-panties-on-and-deal-with-it leader. My days had been deduced to victory cheers for threading the bobbin on my machine correctly, going to Target only once, and calling my husband no more than five times a day. I started talking to telemarketers. "Oh, so your truck will be driving through my neighborhood looking for donations on what day?" Hold on, let me get a pencil and stick it in my eye. I had been home only four weeks.

Under the increasing threat level of self-inflicted wounds, I crawled on my hands and knees to my advisor and begged to be admitted in January in lieu of waiting for the school year to start in the Fall. Thankfully, my reputation as a masters student preceded me and I was allowed to begin classes a semester early. I had all these grand ideas of immersing myself in my PhD studies, researching ground-breaking topics and getting published right away. Yeah, right. My biggest decisions have been whether or not I think people would notice if I wore sweats to class, and how many color ink pens should I bring to class to draw those pretty graphs that I don't understand.

What do I miss the most? Making important decisions. You want to spend a couple million dollars building a shopping center with guaranteed tax revenues for the City? I can walk you through that on my lunch hour. What's that? You're developing a residential project with million dollar homes that will be around for decades? Here's how you need to design it. You saw me on TV the other night? (Mind you - this is not real TV, this is the public information channel, and you have to live in Germantown and subscribe to Comcast to watch it. I think the entire viewing audience was my uncle and a few other elderly residents) Thanks for tuning in to City news. I still have never seen my interview with the Mayor on GHS-TV.

My biggest decision these days is whether or not to wear my shoulder strap on my messenger bag, or just to carry it by the handles. This directly correlates with the number of books I have that day - it is a very fickle decision process. Admittedly, I have begun to hit my stride in grad school, but those sewing projects? They are collecting dust in my closet, waiting to be finished. A bit like my life - waiting on me to finish making decisions that turn everything upside down.

Relationships

A few weeks ago, I was held captive by mediocre Saturday afternoon movies. While a great way to procrastinate, I never knew one quote from the movie "World's Greatest Dad" would stick with me like it has:

I used to think the worst thing in life was ending up alone. I was wrong. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone. -Robin Williams

What a great observation. I think that people get too caught up in the quantity of relationships they have in lieu of focusing on their depth. How many Facebook friends do you have? How many Christmas cards do you send out? Since when did quantity count more than quality?

Six years ago, I had an unfortunate incident with a small group of friends that turned into possibly one of the greatest learning experiences in my young life. I had spent several years cultivating a friendship with this particular group because I thought it was important to have a certain quantity of friends. What I learned in the process was invaluable. I was always someone they could lean on in tough times, but when I needed them most, they weren't there. Sure, there were hard feelings at first. But now I understand the value of a good friendship, and I wouldn't take back that experience for anything.

This year has been tough on myself and my husband for a variety of reasons. I think both of us will look forward to ringing in 2012 (and saying goodbye forever to 2011). While we've always been best friends, I am constantly amazed how, in the face of adversity, we both recognized that no matter where we ended up, we would rather be with each other. Each new day in our relationship surprises me. Each day brings new proof of the reasons we were meant to be, the reasons why God guided the courses of our lives in such a manner so that we would meet and fall in love nine years ago.

How do the relationships in your life make you feel? I know that question seems rather one-sided, but it gets at the root of living a healthy, full life. If you constantly find yourself surrounded by a large circle of friends, yet you still feel alone, how does that enrich your life? Furthermore, if you feel that way with your friends, odds are, they feel that way with you. Take a moment to examine your life. Isolate those relationships in which there is a mutual respect and understanding, and choose to nurture those. I did that six years ago, and have never felt more loved, and been able to give more love and support, than I ever dreamed possible.